Feminist tote back? Check. (Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto)

Ever found yourself scared and alone in the city, in desperate need of a tampon or a spare copy of Sylvia Plath’s ‘The Bell Jar’? Well, thankfully you’re in luck. 

There …

‘Girls have it way easier.’

Bigger isn’t always better. In fact, research suggests most women prefer an average-size penis.

That news might be reassuring to some men, but it doesn’t much help this week’s Sex Column reader, Tom*, who’s struggling to have penetrative sex with his girlfriend.

Read the advice below, but before you go, check out last week’s dilemma, where a reader discovered she was pregnant with a casual fling’s baby.

The problem:

You probably don’t get many letters like this and to be honest, I’ve taken a long time getting round to emailing you.

Anyway, here goes. It’s hard to find a polite way of saying this, but … well, I’m quite well built down below and it’s turning out to be a problem.

Most of my mates (who’ve seen me in the changing rooms over the years) think it’s hilarious and I have various nicknames I won’t share.

I’m only 19 so haven’t had loads of girlfriends, but I do like the one I’m with now, who I’ve been seeing since March. Everything seemed great at first, but after the first few months I started noticing that she was avoiding having ‘proper’ sex with me. She seemed happy to do just about everything else, and personality-wise we’ve always got on great, so I never felt she wanted to end the relationship or anything.

Eventually I asked her what was wrong, and she admitted that she finds intercourse uncomfortable and has only been pretending to enjoy it. She said that even when we do have penetrative sex, she just wants it to be over asap.

We get on really well in every other way, and she was full of apologies as she said she realises it’s not my fault or an issue I can do anything about.

Now I’m feeling really paranoid about the relationship and wonder how long she’ll put up with me.

The advice:

You’re right, it’s not a problem I hear about very often; in fact, I’m more likely to hear from guys who wish they had an extra centimetre or two. It’s ironic that the very thing most men want, turns out to be a difficulty for you.

But I disagree when you say you can’t do anything about it – true, you can’t do much about your size, but you can make love in different ways that might be more comfortable for your girlfriend.

Part of the issue is that she now feels anxious, which prevents her from becoming fully aroused. As a result, sex is even more painful and it sounds as though a vicious circle has been created.

Break this cycle by being more aware of how your girlfriend is feeling when you make love to her. Adopt a gentler approach and experiment with different positions that stop penetration being too deep. Use plenty of lube, at least in the short term, until she starts to relax about sex and her own body takes over.

There are also certain sex toys on the market that will stop full penetration, so you may want to check out that option, too.

Remember that women’s bodies are designed to allow a baby to pass through, so you should be able to solve this problem and have the relationship the two of you obviously want.

Like most difficulties, sexual or otherwise, this can be resolved if you both really want a positive outcome and are willing to play your part.

Here’s what to say instead…

Get those rubber gloves out.

‘It was brutal’

It’s not as helpful as you think it is…

‘They call me the miracle man.’

Here I am, a man, and I’ve been trusted absolutely to take my pills, like a good boy.

‘The internet has a lot to answer for.’

It is national Orgasm Day, after all.

‘I almost threw up.’

‘I bought her an Apple Watch and hid it in a pair of YEEZYs.’

The big O can be reached in more ways than one…

‘Sheer terror… and one of the most amazing moments of your life.’

All I wanted was to go home and sleep but, worryingly, I couldn’t remember where I lived.

‘The more I worry about it, the worse it gets.’

‘I’m ready to begin a new chapter of sexual exploration.’

Hair transplants are big business, but three men share how they’re embracing baldness.

‘We can have old fashioned etiquette and still have equal pay.’

‘They’re not for shrinking violets’.

‘They’re not for shrinking violets’.

‘You’ve always got that one that thinks he’s Jay from the Inbetweeners’

Men and women are developing skin cancer on different parts of their bodies — and our clothing (or lack of it) is to blame. 

Blokes across the country might be tempted to ditch their tops at the first sign of sunshine, but 40% of melanomas in men are diagnosed on the torso, according to the latest data, equivalent to around 3,700 cases every year.

In women, the most common location is the lower limbs (from the hips to the feet), equating to around 3,200 cases every year (35% of all cases). The reason? Our love of skirts and shorts, without applying adequate sun cream.

The findings, from Cancer Research UK, come alongside projections that melanoma skin cancer will rise again this year to 21,300 cases across the UK – the highest on record.

Some 87% of melanoma cases – around 17,100 in the UK each year – are caused by over-exposure to ultraviolet (UV) radiation, which comes from the sun and using sunbeds.

The analysis looked at data from 2018 to 2021, and found the second most common place for men to develop skin cancer is head and neck (24%), arms and shoulders (20%), and lower limbs, including hips (13%).

For women, arms and shoulders come in second, accounting for 27% of cases, while the torso was 22% and head and neck 13%.

Alongside clothing, surface area could also be playing a role, because men’s torsos are typically bigger than women’s, while women’s legs take up a larger proportion of their body surface area.

Since the early 1990s, melanoma skin cancer incidence rates have increased by two-and-a-half times in the UK. Rates in women have around doubled, while they have tripled in men. By 2040, there could be around 26,500 new cases every year.

How to reduce your risk of skin cancer

‘Getting sunburnt just once every couple of years can triple your risk of melanoma skin cancer, compared to never being burnt’, says Fiona Osgun, head of health information at Cancer Research UK.

To reduce your risk, you need to be sun safe all year round – not just on holiday or the occasional heatwave.

‘UV rays can be strong enough to cause skin damage between mid-March and mid-October in the UK, even when it’s cloudy or cool,’ Fiona adds.

‘Try to stick to the shade between 11am and 3pm when the sun is strongest, wear clothes that help cover up your skin, with a hat and sunglasses, and use a sunscreen with at least SPF 30 and 4 or 5 stars.

‘The key is to apply it generously – and remember to top it up regularly, especially if you’re sweating or in water.’

When I was in my late 20s, I had sex with a man who was 16 years older than me.